I do hope that there will come a time when I can actually post for Marriage Mondays and Toonie Tuesdays on their respective days - but I can not predict when that might actually be. The fact of the matter is that I am just really busy right now with things that take priority...[I can tell you, however, that I do recognize that there is a positive side to blogging as a creative outlet as long as it is in balance with other commitments.]
Anyway, this is going to be short and sweet. My husband and children and I are on vacation on the East Coast. [ BTW: It isn't REALLY a vacation, my husband is working 9-5 while we are here.] At the beginning of the trip we started out pretty strong and with good intentions, but by the end of the first weekend away (and after a full day on the road heading to a weekend get-a-way destination on the Cabot Trail) we were starting to get irritable with each other. The disconnection I felt was the irritable, hard to please, knot in the gut that makes me feel and act miserably. Not nice.
If there was going to be any hope of enjoying the beautiful setting (cabin by the Ocean) together and as a family, I knew I had to shift the mood and for some reason I just randomly and totally out of the blue just asked a question:
"What do you like about marriage?"
The answers were a totally refreshing lift for my mood - especially when my husband said that "having a best friend that you can count on" was one of the big pluses of marriage. How could I not feel the love again?
So, there you go...it worked for me - so my suggestion for Marriage Monday is to recognize when the mood in your relationship is probably due more to external factors than to the actual chemistry between the two of you...and then do something to shift and lift the mood.
a kiss
a nice dinner
a hug
a touch
a glance
a note
a question (something positive or at least something that will open up the communication between you)
"How are you feeling?"
"How have you been handling ___________________?"
"What would be your #1 favorite choice for dinner tonight?"
"What makes you happiest?"
In my experience, the sooner you do something, the easier it is to get out of the rut. It is so easy to let resentment set the tone but we all know that this results in negative outcomes for everyone involved. I am also starting to recognize that this is an ongoing process. There will always be ups and downs. It doesn't mean that your marriage isn't strong.
I recently read something where the author commented that as women we are often our own worst enemies with what she called "catastrophic thinking". Our ability to take a minor argument or period of disconnection and within our thoughts turn it into the beginning of the end! How true! Maybe not for every women, but I think a lot of us do it. If you are one of those women as well, it might help you to put this into perspective and realize that it is a pattern of thought, not an actual reality. It may also help to know that it isn't all about YOU -- it might just be another one of those "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" things. Blame it on hormones or genetics or whatever. We're just different. I'm not saying that because we might be more predispositioned to this that it is our doom or destiny and can not be changed. On the contrary, I think that with understanding comes hope. Womanhood is worth celebrating. Stay positive!
The message here is that you do you have the power to shift negative energy in within yourself and within your marriage. It isn't always easy to make the choice or make the effort - but it feels good once you do it.
Anyway, time to shift the focus right now and get off the computer! Best wishes to all!!!
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